When There are no Answers

I woke as the sun peeked through the eastern window. Another night in the hospital was spent in periodic fits of restless sleep on a couch too short and firm to be called a bed, so I got up. I found the waiting room and an uninspiring cup of coffee, but quality was not my concern, hot and caffeinated was. I made my way to the playroom at the end of the children’s wing and looked over the downtown scene as it glowed amber in the first light of morning. My mind was like a hamster wheel running, always running. I contemplated my daughter’s cancer, my middle son (who was two at the time) with his world upended, my youngest son (born a few days previous), and his first experiences in this world. Finally, my mind was flooded with all my wife must be facing only recently removed from childbirth and caring for two boys. The day passed as the morning’s musings were almost forgotten, until the short road trip home to get a shower and a real meal provided the needed silence to hear from God.

What can be learned about suffering, especially when it doesn’t have an expiration date? As you read this I want you to think about you OR someone else in your life who would benefit, not from a solution, but from presence. If we are to cultivate communities around the presence of Jesus as the Church then it stands to reason one of the most meaningful portals to do this is through another’s suffering. Let’s start with Jesus!

Jesus let others in: (Christ)

In Matthew 26:36-46 Jesus is in the Garden of Gethsemane, hours away from a false arrest on trumped-up charges, a conviction driven by jealousy and fear, and eventual murder on a cross for the sin and healing of humanity. Take that in. It is His darkest hour. So he gathers three of His closest friends to pray for Him, confessing, “My soul is very sorrowful, even to death; remain here and watch with me.” They, of course, fail but Jesus still relies on them. Why? I believe the lesson was for them…

Practice one:

If you are suffering - Be honest with yourself and others. We prolong our travail when we skirt, shift, dismiss, compare, numb, or ignore our pain. Jesus invited prayer. Honesty brings help.

If you are walking with someone suffering - Consider the beauty of the disciple’s approach - they go with Jesus to His greatest place of pain and dwell there! A text, arm around, tears shared; those are far better than “answers.”

We need others: (Community)

The night we received the protocol of treatment for our daughter the elders of our church met me at my home (I was a youth pastor then). There were just tears and fears bubbling up from my insides. Gently, one of the men says, “So what are we looking at Doug?” I shared the range of challenges for the coming year. With incredible tenderness, they prayed for us and said I could expect to hear tomorrow from them. Not long into the next day, the team contacted me saying, “Take the next five months off paid. We’ll take care of everything else.”

In the months that followed teens did our laundry and cleaned our home, someone serviced our vehicles, my family sewed pajamas together, meals were delivered to the hospital daily, and church family regularly visited to pray with us. There aren’t words when you are cared for like that.

Practice two:

If you are suffering - In an age of do over be we find receiving reprehensible or weak. Gracious and genuine gratitude with palms up to receive gives a blessing the helper doesn’t expect but gladly enjoys. (Acts 20:35)

If you are walking with someone suffering - Offer to sit in silence with someone hurting. (OR) Can you get groceries, fill a car with gas, pick up kids, or run some other errand? Offering to accomplish daily tasks can minister love.

Rehearsing God’s goodness: (Confession)

Often we consider “confession” negatively when in reality it means to “speak in agreement with.” The foundation of speaking in agreement then applied to the truth and promises of scripture giving us a picture of how Jesus did it (Matt. 4:1-11, I). His weaponizing merger of confession and scripture caused Satan to “leave him until an opportune time.” (See also Timothy 6:12-13)

Practice three:

If you are suffering - Consider taking a Psalm (88 for example) and writing your own as you lament your current reality. Lament, the faith-filled cry to God, is an integral part of our faith. In Psalm 88 we read the last line, “…the darkness is my closest friend.” Is this you? How helpful it is to process grief by putting pen to paper.

If you are walking with someone suffering - Take time in silence/solitude to ask the Lord to reveal relevant scriptures you might share with someone walking through suffering. You may be surprised how the Spirit of God would use His word to encourage another facing hardship.

Wrapping up

The lights of traffic headed west drove rhythmically past and lulled me into a place of silent readiness. The conversation from the morning returned and the thin space where God speaks grabbed me. As clear as a conversation with a friend over coffee, I heard the Spirit of God speak: “Christ, community, and confession are how you will make it through.” I have been chewing on those words ever since and I invite you to ponder them deeply as well. Christ, in all things, is our example and hope. Community, like Moses in Exodus 17, is the support holding our hands up in battle. The glue that binds it all together is a confession about the character and faithfulness of God.